FML

Why didn't I go to a school that had a Group 3 subject other than History HL?


Why didn't I go to a school that had Chemistry HL, something that I'd like better and would actually be useful for me?


Why didn't I pick a place that did drama for English Paper 2 instead of "epic" (fail) works for poetry?


Why have I just wasted the last 2 hours complaining about all of this?


It's too late to complain and have regrets, but at least it feels good.


Okay, maybe that was a little melodramatic. History didn't go as completely suckish as I thought, but I'm definitely going to flee from historical studies in the future.

(love song, with two goldfish)

(He's a drifter, always

floating around her, has
nowhere else to go. He wishes
she would sing, not much, just the scales;
or take some notice,
give him the fish eye.)

(Bounded by round walls
she makes fish eyes
and kissy lips at him, darts
behind pebbles, swallows
his charms hook, line and sinker)

(He's bowled over. He would
take her to the ocean, they could
count the waves. There,
in the submarine silence, they would share
their deepest secrets. Dive for pearls
like stars.)

(But her love's since
gone belly-up. His heart sinks
like a fish. He drinks
like a stone. Drowns those sorrows,
stares emptily through glass.)

(the reason, she said
she wanted)
(and he could not give)
a life
beyond the
(bowl)

It's May tomorrow.

I've separated my work areas. Now, my bedroom is specifically for History and English, and my other room is for the sciences and math. I'm pretty sure I've spent more time preparing to study than actually studying.

Last day of high school today. As cliche as it sounds, walking through the halls of the high school for the first time in Grade 9 really did feel like yesterday - a very long day of happiness and sadness; peace and conflict; relaxation and stress. I suppose I'll miss it, but I am more than ready to finally move on.

4 days left until I pass through those gates;
11 days left before I cross the river Styx;
19 days left before I climb up Satan's back to see the glittering stars shining again...

You know you're IB when...

You know you're IB when you procrastinate from studying history by studying chemistry and biology instead.

12 days left... I wish I had better memory retention for history. :(

Last day of high school tomorrow, woah. I'm sure photographs will be taken, but unfortunately, I'll probably look like a half-alive wraith in most of them as a result of my severe lack of sleep.

Oh, boohoo.

I swear I forget the things I read for history two minutes later. It doesn't really stick in my head when I'm trying to cram the history of the past century into my head in the span of about two and a half weeks.

FML. I wish the clocks would stop ticking.

11 days?

No,
we're,
not,
ready for hell, hell;
No, for hell, hell no.

The majority of people who try to talk to me about non-school stuff at the moment amuse me. Do you honestly think I care right now? Nope.

The Limits of Mankind

It's time to see exactly how much the human mind can handle.

2 weeks.

To-Do List: Extreme Version

Just because I need to.

• Finish up biochemistry option unit for Chem
• Review all of the non-human physiology units for Bio
• Start studying for History Paper 2
• Assemble and prepare notes specific to History Paper 3
• Math May 2002 papers (maybe) 
• Update English notes
• Finish memorizing Milton lines and begin memorizing Donne
• Practice with an English Paper 1 (maybe)
• Write SFU cover letter
• CAS forms

Ahhh. 

Abstinence

I'm quitting Facebook for now. I came to the realization that opening Google Chrome every 5 minutes to go stalk pictures of people, trade ingredients with myself or comment on their statuses for hours on end wasn't really the best use of my time, especially since exams are coming up in less than 4 weeks. After all, there are some people who can survive without having one completely, right? They're not exactly dead from deprivation yet, so I'm guessing I'm not going to die by not logging on for a single month. Thus, I have bid farewell to the blue and white and greeted my semi-colourful textbooks with half-opened arms. I'm sure it can't be that bad... I'll just have to find a better way to kill time when my mind does burn out every few hours. YouTube, Blogger, Twitter, "the N-game," and MSN are still open to me, anyways. Here's hoping that abstinence truly is the best policy.



Keys together, abstinence!

I'm just being me.

So instead of doing anything that's actually productive, I made MSN display pics with all of my textbooks.

Happy studies, folks.

I am now an expert at Chem Topic 9

My anode brings all the anions to the yard,
And they're like, "You're positive!"
"Darn" right, I'm positive,
I could reduce you, but I'd have to "charge."

Contrary to popular belief, I actually have a lot of fun at 2:30am on MSN. 

Chemical Misconceptions

This analogy is already amusing from the fact that the textbook ascertains you were at a party last weekend. As if! 

8 weeks left

You know you're desperate and in IB when...

Why did I even upload this? Such a waste of time, haha.

Sleepless, the sequel

Wow, I can't believe it's March already. I guess what they say is true: time flies when you're having fun... haha. The beginning of March also means that only a little over 2 months remains before my first IB exam - oh snap! I'm going to make a Hermione-style colour-coded study schedule later; it probably won't work, but I can at least try, right?

I got my UBC acceptance letter today. Even though I had already found out that I was accepted through the site, seeing it in letter-form seemed to finalize the deal. Now, I just have to decide on where I want to go...

Last night was another sleepless one, similar to my post-Christmas Break sleeping epic fail. I attempted to go to bed at around 2am, but I somehow felt wide awake. At 4:30am, I decided to check Facebook and began to get sleepy at around 5:30, but I decided that it'd be better if I were to get no sleep at all than getting a couple hours and waking up feeling super groggy and crappy. I don't know what's wrong with  me; maybe it's the break and the outrageous sleeping times messing with me as per usual, or perhaps it's one of the explanations that I thought up for my winter break sleeping fail... Hm. Something to ponder, especially since I don't really have much to do tonight in terms of work.

I have a date with the ICBC claims office in about an hour, woohoo. I hope they don't interrogate me, especially since I've gotten no sleep for the past 25 hours. T_T

Olympic Break To-Do

Oh yes, one of my infamous to-do lists. Seeing as how I've been feeling overly lazy and being extremely forgetful lately, I really should make this:

Olympic Break To-Do List

• UBC Scholarship essay/application 
• Some other scholarship application
• History Arab-Israeli Timeline essay
• Math matrix review/November 2007 Paper 2
• English Chaucer Notes
• Chem Design Lab
• Study new bio unit
• Start studying for finals?

And of course, I'm trying to beat Zelda (LOL) and go out more at the same time. Furthermore, I'll probably end up getting up no earlier than 12pm everyday for the next 2 weeks, too. Let's see how the next few days go... 

Wow, I really do complain a lot on here.

I don't really have anything better to do right now, so I guess I'll blog.

Last week feels like it lasted forever, yet now it's nothing but a blur to me. For some reason, writing my World Literature 2 assignment made me feel really disorientated; the 1,500-word essay was all that I concentrated upon for a week. At least I'm done now, but I'd have to question the quality of what I wrote. Sigh.

I submitted my application to the McGill major entrance scholarship on Sunday, a day before it was due. I figured that there wasn't really a chance of me winning it anyways, so I finished it rather hastily to try and get it out of the way. If I were to get it then that would be awesome, but I think I'll try for the UBC one a bit more. Why, oh why did he have to go to the UK? Now, I'll have to find somebody else to do my non-academic nomination form, but who... Who should I even get for the teacher's one? There are a lot of possibilities, but I feel as if they may be whittled down quite easily, especially considering that there's a section for which percentile the student's in. Hmm...

Gosh, nothing interesting ever happens in my life that's really (publicly) blog-worthy. Everyday, I go through the same cycle of going to school, going home and trying to do homework while feeling exhausted, and feeling guilty for not exercising and... other stuff. While I'm thinking about that "other stuff," I realized that I should probably go discuss that at some point, but some unknown force, which is probably my conscience or extreme awkwardness, makes me hesitate and decide against it. Ahh, my life.

At least spring/Olympic break is coming up soon. I'm somewhat regretting not getting tickets for any Olympic event, but it'd probably be awkward and overly rowdy anyways. I'm going to make a vow with myself to try and go out as much as possible during the break, but considering how difficult getting around will be and the fact that I haven't even started studying or compiling notes for my IB exams yet, I don't really see that happening, despite my fervent hopes.

Everything fades to black

Last night, I failed at sleeping again. Earlier that evening, I had already learned to accept the inevitable in that I probably wasn't going to be able to sleep for quite some time, especially given that I had slept at 4am the night before. With this in mind, I attempted to get some quotes from Dante for my World Lit essay, but I ended up spending hours on Facebook and YouTube instead. I have no idea what's wrong with my motivation. Usually, the guilt from not doing work and wasting time always got to me, and I was always able to make myself accomplish things with that in mind. However, the guilt seems to be have been displaced by the sheer width of all the things that I have to do in the next little while, particularly all the scholarship applications. Sigh. With the great expectations that come with exceptional blessings, the pressure is accentuated to an unimaginable extent. I honestly don't feel as if I could live up to the "role" that seems to have been bestowed up on me. Sigh, again.

Back to my sleeping issues: I attempted to call it a night at around 2:45am, but I didn't actually end up falling asleep until 5:30am. Needless to say my hours of slumber were extremely fleeting, and it felt like I had just managed to fall asleep when I was promptly awoken about an hour and a half later. Joy. I attempted to caffeinate myself, and although I no longer felt tired, I didn't exactly feel that great either. Physical health issues aside, I can't help but turn to the spiritual aspects of my insomnia. The last time I had such an epic failure in slumber, I could feel that God was trying to tell me to do something that was vital to my relationship with Him; something that I had lived with for years, but never managed to shake off. Although I may have succeeded in climbing out of that pit for a short while, I fell again, only to land at an even deeper depth than what I was at before. I can only wonder what God's trying to tell me this time; a similar message, I'm sure, but who knows. 

To-Do List

Because there's just so much!

• UBC MES application
• McGill MES application
• UT Scholarship form
• Dogwood District scholarship form
• *some other scholarship* application
• History 6 Day War research
• World Lit II - reading, planning, writing

T_T Busy busy rest of break.

Looking back

As I walked into my living room towards my piano yesterday, I realized that there stood the item that I had slaved over for the greater part of my life. I thought to myself, "Wow... This collection of wood and metal that (supposedly) produces beautiful music essentially took away my adolescence."

When I was 7 and all the other kids played outside during dinnertime, why did I have to reject? "Sorry, I have piano." I still remember literally looking outside my window, seeing them play on the little strip of lawn belonging to them that bordered our lawn.

When I was 11 and invited to hang out with one of my neighbours, what did I say? "Sorry, I have to go practice piano."

When I was 16 and desperately stressed with IB, what did I still have to do instead of sleeping and finishing homework? "Brb, piano."

When I was 17 and wanted to actually leave my house during winter break, why couldn't I? "I have to piano."

I then contemplated the benefits. I'm sure they're embedded in there somewhere, but they're far and few between. Maybe I'll find them someday

On a side note, the week's been somewhat interesting. Lots of piano, not a lot of sleep (I calculated that I slept a grand total of 19 hours from Monday to Friday, which is the same amount some people get over the two days of the weekend), an okay amount of thought. Monday and Wednesday were definitely the... pinnacles of that situation. I wish I had more time to spare so that I could write the story, but it'll have to wait for now in favour of studying math and chem. I know that I have to write it out because it's the only thing that will really bring me closure and put a conclusion to this whole thing, but will I really be able to muster the willpower to dig that far deep?

The "Naughty Noughties" are no more

2009... Wow, what a year. Lots of new experiences and good memories, lots of people dying, lots of new people in my life, and a good number of not-so-good times. But would I say it was an awesome, life-changing year? In some ways, yes; but the slightly scary thing is that 2010 will be even more of a revolutionary year. And, good riddance, I'm ready to embrace it with open arms.

My New Years Resolutions? I say they're pretty important, especially since it's a whole new decade and everything. Here it goes:

1. Exercise more - do I want to be a skinny-armed, fat-bodied Asian boy forever?
2. Finish my EE - that shiz just has to get off of my plate and out of my mind!
3. Stop committing that one sin - it's funny how I've tried to shake it off for so long, and yet I've never succeeded. It's popped up on so many "resolution" lists that it's practically become recurring. Why do all the worst things in life just feel so good. On the other hand, what kind of temptation can stand in the face of the Lord, anyways? Mmhmm; black sin, you're going down this year, this decade, this life.

And there we go, nice and simple. Can't be that hard, eh?