L'avenir

The other day, a teacher asked me what the "plans for September" were. Of course, I instantly replied with "sciences," but he suggested "music, or at least arts" to me instead. I laughed it off at the time, but later, I really thought about it. 

I've always been "enlivened" by sciences; it was always so interesting to me, as nerdy as it sounds. Although I may resent it most of the time sometimes, such as when the work load's totally strenuous and overwhelming, I had always taken it as a given that I'd do sciences in university and then move on to either medical or dental school. Now, I'm not really sure. I certainly do stand firm by my choice with sciences, yet a small part of me wonders what my future would be like if I actually pursued music. Do I really think I have the talent to make it as some sort of a musical superstar? That life would be filled with way too many uncertainties for me to feel comfortable with. I'd have to constantly worry if I get enough gigs or record sales to make a profit or even stay afloat, and that would end up depending on whether or not people like me enough as an artist to support me with their funds. I'm not exactly the most talented person out there. Sure, I can play the pieces I'm being tested on in less than 2 days (!!!), but they're not exactly perfect. I may have (somewhat) big dreams and a passable level of talent, but what's going to separate me from the thousands upon thousands of people who also have those qualities and don't actually get anywhere? Am I to pull a Lady Gaga and burst on to the scene with my interesting style of dress, barely appropriate song lyrics and nonsensical stage antics? If only. Simply doing a major in music may not necessarily mean that I'm going to pursue it for the rest of my life. However, it would certainly be a welcome change, especially since I can apply to med school with any degree. I obviously wouldn't have the knowledge and experience that a science undergrad would provide for me, but I suppose it couldn't hurt, right? 

Of course, I could always double major in sciences and music, which would definitely show off my "versatility." However, after perusing around online for a bit, it seems like that would require a lot of work. Plus, music courses are harder to score well in, given the difficulty of theoretical and performance classes. I could always minor in music, but apparently that's "all theoretical." Sounds kinda lame to me, to be honest. 

It's funny; I hardly ever give any thought to my life after high school as a result of all the homework that I have to put up with consistently, and now I feel... confusion. I wish I could interpret my thoughts better. What exactly am I feeling, or am I even feeling at all? 

Maybe I'm just going crazy from the afternoon-long practices and the adequate amounts of sleep. On the other hand, perhaps these conflicting thoughts are placed in my mind in order to make me really realize that whatever path I choose, it's going to be my future: no doubts, no going back, 100%.