Flashback

I am rather jealous of Team Cuba this year. The whole renewed "Outreach hype" really brought me back to this time last year, when I was completely ecstatic about going to such a cool, exotic-sounding place. Never had I imagined that the experience would be so eye-opening, so life-changing, so thought-provoking for me. I could I miss my team; it seems like we've all kind of split apart after our reunion in April. :/ A part of me wishes that I could go back there and see the stuck-in-the-19th-century architect, cram into our 1950s 9-person van and drive off somewhere to do ministries at a cell group. Living my life for the Lord on such a daily basis was much better than what I've got now.

But going back to the same place would be a little bit redundant, no? Even bordering on the line of mo lieu. Still, I somewhat wish I had been on Outreach this year. It even makes me want to consider a missions trip after I graduate... Now wouldn't that be cool?

PS: No, Cuba was not a total "vacation!"

You stilled my heart, and you take my breath away.

This week has been pretty hectic! If somebody had told me that I was going to have great sufferings during my first week back in Cuba, I probably would've spent one of the beach days in tears. :P Whatever, at least it's over! It's weird; I haven't been this happy to just survive a week for quite a while.

So, what's happened this week? History IA, biology quiz/test (103% - what a relief =P), math quizzes (haha epic fail on Friday), chem quizzes (wow, that one question...), and French papers. Ugh, I totally failed that paper 2 on Friday... It was about how I disapprove of a movie, and I wrote something soo crappy...

I don't know why, but I've also been SUPER tired lately. I'm not even jetlagged, like Tanzania or something... Cuba's only 3 hours away. =/ On Friday, I definitely felt like I was on the verge of dying when I got home.

So, what have I been thinking about lately? It's spiritual, actually. After coming back from Outreach and hearing about everybody else's stories about their experiences in other countries and their lessons from God, I wonder if we can really maintain our fire and passion for Him, even as the weeks go on and our to-do lists grow even more and more. Spending 2 weeks in Cuba, away from piano, away from tests, away from internal assessments, isolating myself from the world... Could I truly label it as blissful ignorance? I suppose that definitely brought me closer to Him. I was able to focus on God so much more, because I was unblinded by millions of other factors.

I just really hope that we can truly be on fire for God at all times, and especially during our times of need and/or joy. I remember one of the things I wanted to accomplish this year was to remember to look to God at all times, even when I'm happy and especially when I feel like I"m completely lost and there's nobody to turn to. I just hope I can remember that in the months to come.

What's weird is that "Everything" is still at the top of my music playlist. You'd think I'd get sick of listening to it over and over while watching the skit in Cuba, but I swear that experience just made me appreciate the song even more, especially the line from the title *points* and the chorus:

"And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?"

Really, how can we just stand there, in His creation, and not appreciate everything that He's done for us? Instead, we drift away from Him and involve ourselves with sin, and we become blinded from Him and ignore Him. And yet, he's always there, however subtle, wanting us to come back to Him and realize that we've got ourselves in a lot of trouble. By doing this, even if the things from our past are haunting us, He'll always have some way to step in and destroy those things, because He's just so much more powerful than they are.

It kinda makes me feel bad... but at the same time, it inspires me to just desire and seek God all the more. How awesome. =D

Anyways, last night, I finally finished my History IA. =D What a relief, it feels like a huuuuge weight has been lifted... Now, I just have piano and a bit of French to do today, and I'm scott-free! xP Maybe I'll blog some more... naaah. Haha.

Everything

Find me here
Speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Back from Cuba, and will blog soon...

Nous devons y aller

We must go,
Live to feed the hungry,
Stand beside the broken,
We must go

Stepping forward,
Keep us from just singing,
Move us into action,
We must go~

10.5 hours =)

Hola, Cuba

The picture to the left is where I'm going to be going to in a mere... 30 hours. I can hardly believe it! I swear I've been waiting to go on an Outreach trip since Grade 7, when I'd get kicked out of class super early every Monday afternoon because of some Outreach meeting. Now, I'm the one kicking the little kids out! I swear I've been so busy and preoccupied with school and IB stuff that I've barely been pumped up about this after the Outreach trip. At the beginning of the year, when I found out that I was going to be going to Cuba, I thought the wait would be forever... I just find it super hard to believe that I'm actually going at 11:59 PM tomorrow! It's such a strange feeling. =S And yet, I've barely packed... HAHA. I'll have to use my major cramming skills; I don't wanna bring a huge suitcase to Cuba (the one I brought to Idaho was the biggest. So sad!).

So, I haven't blogged for a while. What's been happening in my life? Lots of stuff, I suppose. Then again, "lots of stuff" for me isn't much. A couple of weeks ago, I had my IB French oral, and I'm so relieved to be done. I swear I had some kind of word vomit during my oral though; I didn't know if I was conjugating everything correctly, but I just hope that I did well enough as to not drag down my interactive oral mark significantly. =D I think that's one of the things I've been anticipating with nothing less than dread ever since I was kicked out of the grade 9 hallway in grade 9 as a result of those orals. Just watching the IB students at the time staring at these papers and talking to themselves... it's nervewracking, it really is! I'm just glad it's done. =)

Right after that, I left for Idaho. Not much to say about that... was it good? In some respects, yes. In most respects, not really. The worst part was coming home to find that I had tons of mysterious homework that confused my excrutiatingly-tired mind at the time. I'm just glad that time's over; it was pretty hectic. =/

At the moment, I'm just pretty darn excited for Cuba. I think it's amazing how our team was able to bond so well when only a short 2 months ago we were all kind of like "huh" to each other. So we're not total "BFFs" yet, but I'm sure that as we'll connect even more as we work together down there. I think the leader-change thing was pretty crazy too. All in all, everything just seemed to turn out for the better these last 3 weeks, and I must say that I'm finally beginning to feel these traces of excitement from somewhere deep inside of me. =D

Now, I must finish French, practice piano, PACK, and do history. Ugh, when I come back it will be history-biology craziness, to be replaced by French. Ugh. Oh well. I think it's time for a break.. right? My team members have personally told me that if I bring anything IB, I will get beat up. Haha... Back on Saturday,March 28th, with a story to tell.