When I was 9.

As the end begins to approach more and more, I can't help but think of the past. Before, if I ever did choose to look back to those times, I'd often adopt the mindset that all of it was pointless and menial. Thus, I reject it and tend to consider that period of my life as a rather bad, meaningless one.

However, the more I think of it, the more I begin to wonder: do I miss that life? Do I miss spending my entire day on the computer and having my MSN contacts list consisting mainly of people I don't know? Did I enjoy talking to people ten years older than me? Who knows.

It's funny how the smallest things in life tend to effect me so much. Even though others would see them as small, insignificant and nothing to truly consider that much, I suppose that sort of judgment will change for every person. In fact, when I think of it now, I would also consider it as rather lame. Unfortunately, it's embedded as a part of my past and my growing up. I suppose there's not much else to do other than to embrace it fully with open arms.

Looking back

As I walked into my living room towards my piano yesterday, I realized that there stood the item that I had slaved over for the greater part of my life. I thought to myself, "Wow... This collection of wood and metal that (supposedly) produces beautiful music essentially took away my adolescence."

When I was 7 and all the other kids played outside during dinnertime, why did I have to reject? "Sorry, I have piano." I still remember literally looking outside my window, seeing them play on the little strip of lawn belonging to them that bordered our lawn.

When I was 11 and invited to hang out with one of my neighbours, what did I say? "Sorry, I have to go practice piano."

When I was 16 and desperately stressed with IB, what did I still have to do instead of sleeping and finishing homework? "Brb, piano."

When I was 17 and wanted to actually leave my house during winter break, why couldn't I? "I have to piano."

I then contemplated the benefits. I'm sure they're embedded in there somewhere, but they're far and few between. Maybe I'll find them someday

On a side note, the week's been somewhat interesting. Lots of piano, not a lot of sleep (I calculated that I slept a grand total of 19 hours from Monday to Friday, which is the same amount some people get over the two days of the weekend), an okay amount of thought. Monday and Wednesday were definitely the... pinnacles of that situation. I wish I had more time to spare so that I could write the story, but it'll have to wait for now in favour of studying math and chem. I know that I have to write it out because it's the only thing that will really bring me closure and put a conclusion to this whole thing, but will I really be able to muster the willpower to dig that far deep?

Flashback

I am rather jealous of Team Cuba this year. The whole renewed "Outreach hype" really brought me back to this time last year, when I was completely ecstatic about going to such a cool, exotic-sounding place. Never had I imagined that the experience would be so eye-opening, so life-changing, so thought-provoking for me. I could I miss my team; it seems like we've all kind of split apart after our reunion in April. :/ A part of me wishes that I could go back there and see the stuck-in-the-19th-century architect, cram into our 1950s 9-person van and drive off somewhere to do ministries at a cell group. Living my life for the Lord on such a daily basis was much better than what I've got now.

But going back to the same place would be a little bit redundant, no? Even bordering on the line of mo lieu. Still, I somewhat wish I had been on Outreach this year. It even makes me want to consider a missions trip after I graduate... Now wouldn't that be cool?

PS: No, Cuba was not a total "vacation!"

Memories

I cannot say I'm pleased that this is basically my last day of freedom until school starts again. =P But since my internet is still being VERY UNKIND TO ME and not loading Desperate Housewives season 3 properly (but it's SO DELICIOUS I just wanna eat it up!), I guess I will blog… my favourite memories from Grade 11/IB Year 1/2008-2009! Okay, here I go, in no particular order:

1. IB Camping Trip – At first, I thought this would be pretty lame because I hate camping (no washrooms? Ick!) and there were only about six Grade 11s going. Nevertheless, I guess it was kind of fun to bond with other IB students over the campfire, and living in the "wild" for a day, even though we could literally see PA from where we were camping. =P
   
2. Late night stressing – Even though I think I was pretty much dying from these experiences, I think the extent to which "suffering together brings you closer together" is true really shined through all the late-night periods of stress, studying and/or finishing up some piece of homework or IA. I think I'd still prefer sleeping at 10pm instead of 2am every night for a week, but I think that these experiences have truly made me realize that I am much more of an evening/night person than a morning/afternoon one. Sure, I love waking up to a summer morning (gotta do that for the next few weeks… x_X), but there's something about the night… It's like you kind of have a bit of freedom that you get from the darkness to secretly break free of your confines and just do whatever. Although personally my "whatever" was stressing about something, IB has nevertheless shown me that nighttimes are always much more fun.
   
3. French Congo animal thing – Maybe the only fun that you could ever have from an IB class. =P That French Congo animal skit was hilarious because of how random it was, and how it didn't really count for anything. XP
   
4. Biology photosynthesis lab – Can you say epic failure? Pretty sure this lab killed my "Manipulative skills" criteria for Biology Internal Assessment. =P Still gotta say though, I probably lost around 5lbs from literally laughing my arse off over how epic fail it was. Seriously, why do these things always happen to me? First, my lamps get turned off because the IB12s in the other class were watching a movie. Then, I put a test tube rack on the hotplate, and it MELTED, so I had to get a cake pan from the home ec room, fill it with water, and put the rack in THERE. Finally, once they had been heated enough, as I was moving the plants from the hotplate area to another counter, the TEST TUBE RACK BROKE, and sure enough, the uncovered test tubes (well, you can't block a photosynthesizing plant's oxygen supply!) COMPLETELY spilled everywhere. I probably killed a forest through cleaning that mess up. =P Sigh.
   
5. Dress designs – In history, chemistry and English, how could I have ever gotten by without my dress designs? Sure, they may not have been the best, but each one killed anywhere from 10-30 minutes. =P Admit it Gloria, I so got better at it near the end of the year! xP Too bad I didn't really pay attention to the class… but that's okay, I guess I got by well enough. =)
   
6. Whistler music trip – Fun fun fun, hanging out with friends, going out all the time, just relaxing and knowing that I didn't really have that much to do (aside from biology and FRENCH, which I brought along, of course). Too bad I was in a room with strangers that left me alone in my room for about 6 hours to huddle into one queen bed and gossip about their intergroup problems. Ah well, at least I got some quality studying done. =P Plus I didn't lose my tenor sax this year – awesome! The jazz band performance was amazing too – almost makes me wish I hadn't quit. xP But then again, I'll be happy that I won't have to get up at 6am anymore. Yay me.
   
7. Cuba - Who said this list had to be all about IB? Going to Cuba was AMAZING. I'm sure I'll blog about it one day… xP
   

And those are, in short, my seven favourite memories from this year. I'm sure I have more somewhere in my cerebrum, but you know, short term memory loss… =P Now, to continue having seizures from my internet. I HATE IT SO MUCH, ARGH. T_T

Post-Trip Lethargy

Ahh, the feeling of post-trip lethargy... It's a sort of laziness and melancholy mixed in with each other. Basically, what happens is I come home from a trip and feel kinda sad yet somewhat tired, and although I have stuff to do, I don't feel like doing it. How bad it is depends on how good the trip was. If it was crappy like Idaho, I'll love being home. On the other hand, if it was awesome like Whistler just was or Cuba, then I'll be pretty sad to be home. Home may be where the heart is, but it's also where all my work is.

I guess Whistler was a much better trip this time around, even though the rooming arrangements were kinda... sad. Luckily, since I have my new work-like-a-dork attitude, when they all ignored me in one room, I was able to pull out biology or French and do it. Yes, it does sound sad, but it is true. Once, they had a deep guy conversation in one bed for about 4 hours, and I did a paper 1, an AP French essay, and read some French mags. Because I'm cool like that.

Today at school, I passed by a sign that had a countdown until the 31 Hour Famine.

That's the day right after our French exam.

11 days. 1.5 weeks.

FML

Too Cute!

So I somehow ended up on Neopets, reliving my childhood.. Ahem...
Omg, they're all like... actually too cute. LOL

LOL fashion tranny reject much:

Which one? Sigh.